divorce
just learned that some members of my flight are getting divorced now. i wonder how common this is?
on my last deployment to iraq, i saw several friends get the middle finger from spouses or girlfriends while stuck in the sand. i even counseled a few of them (as well as a law student could). one got remarried a couple years later to the woman who’d sent the “dear john” email while he was in balad. i went to the wedding, saw their two children, and realized why he was willing to reconcile.
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Unfortunately, I think this is more common than we often realize. It is so sad that people lose sight of each other after investing that much time or any time for that matter in each other. It is hard on both parties during deployment. It is difficult for the soldier in the theater as well as the spouse left at home. The desert, stress and emotional trauma our soldiers experience while away follows them home. I have personally seen the changes that can occur as deployment and return to home transpire. The soldier returns as a changed individual – they are different in many ways – often less patient, more anxious, and less focused on family and friends. The spouse experiences similar changes but at a different level- the spouse is used to having to make all the decisions, resentful of the soldier’s dedication to country over family, and anger/sadness over being left time and again, and angry that they may not recognize the soldier that returns home. It is a difficult situation and requires patience on both parties. To survive this period, both individuals must work together – have patience with each other, work on reconnecting with each other, have open communication, and if needed seek outside counseling.
It truly takes a great deal of effort and love to survive these experiences.
hs - May 15, 2008 at 11:03 pm
yes, even though i wrote in “standing in the greener grass” that the experience was better when i was deployed the second time and had a family, i don’t know that the transition from my first deployment back to “family life” would have gone very well at all. while i don’t think i changed much during my recent “trip,” i certainly did after the longer one in 2003. and not for the better.
mm - May 16, 2008 at 11:20 am